Disney Dunces

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The greatest prank in the known universe was pulled off without a hitch! (We’re not counting the expanded one so don’t even start.) And we’re here to cover this historic event, six years in the making! A man, a woman, a curtain, 50 of their closest friends, and one hideous mass of determination. Oh, and there's also some kind of space bear battle somewhere I guess... I don’t know, who cares. All that matters is the end of the middle is finally here! It’s Disney Dunces: Epsiode XLVI - Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi!

Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made

Timmy is an average kid that no one understands, but that's because Timmy is a complete asshole and no one should take the time to get to know him. If anyone out there is blessed with the gift of child, please teach them to be the exact opposite of Timmy. Teach them how not to be a Failure. It’s Portland’s own Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made.

Kim Possible (2019)

Call 'em, beep 'em, if you wanna reach 'em - although you’re probably better off just listening to this episode, as one of the Dunces has developed a filthy disgusting habit of calling people out and naming names. You’ve been warned. It’s the alleged star-studded, live action Disney Channel Original Movie, based on the animated Disney Channel Original Series, "Kim Possible", it's Kim Possible! 

Kiki's Delivery Service

Well guys, this is sadly the most erotic and perverse film that Walt Disney ever got his grubby little hands on. We’re very disappointed in all of you degenerates who have seen this movie, and that goes double if you actually like this filth. And don’t even try to tell us that you watch it for the plot, because  we all know that there isn’t one to be found here! It’s Studio Ghibli’s classic cumming of age story, Kiki’s Delivery Service!

Sister Act

O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant, to what can only be described as the most blasphemous episode to date. Seriously, the Dunces break like four commandments just talking about Steve Urkel, five if you’re listening on the Sabbath! But at the very least, everyone can take some comfort in knowing that one of them will burn in Hell for all eternity. As for which one that is, the answer may surprise you. It’s Sister Act!

Tangled

If you've ever wondered what the layout of Rapunzel’s tower was like, then boy oh boy do we have the podcast for you! We're talking a full-on, thirty minute, in-depth analysis of the whole thing! Top to bottom, every nook and cranny, every step accounted for, no stone left unturned. If however you’ve actually seen the film and realized it was just a single room atop a blocked off set of stairs at a glance, then I’m afraid this episode has nothing to offer you so move along. It’s Disney’s Tangled!

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… and boy do I mean a long time ago! Like back when a fella' who repeatedly forces himself on a woman was seen as a charming rapscallion, rather than the mondo creep we see him for today. Back when Pop-Up Video was a normal everyday occurrence, making Mickey, Donald, and Goofy seem more welcoming than grating. And back before Maury Povich could tell you who your father was before he could blind side you with that info at the least opportune time. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode XL - Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back!

Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

Ruh roh! The time trolley has gone haywire and looks like the Dunces find themselves trapped in the far flung future of 2049! A time period where man lives amongst the stars and women give birth to children and diskettes! Let’s see if they can master this new space age lingo and become gods of rock and roll before the station goes up in smoke! It’s Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century!

Newsies

Alright boys and goils, let's all hop in the time trolley and take a trip to old New York - I’m talking 1899. A simpler time when the news was printed on paper, child labor was rampant, and no one had nothin' better to do but to sing about it. Please keep all hands and feet inside the trolley and try not to get soaked, whatever that happens to mean in the context of this film. It’s Newsies!

Togo

Hold on, this can’t be right, these cry alert readings are off the chart! Let’s see... says here this week's episode covers an untold true story involving the harsh conditions of the Alaskan tundra, terminally ill children, and one very brave dog who gives his all to save them. Oh no, and there’s no Cuba Gooding Jr. in sight! That settles it, you’d have to be a monster to not cry while watching this one. It’s Togo, The Now Told True Story!