Disney Dunces

Big Business

Oh boy! This week the Dunces mean business, and I mean BIG BUSINESS! That’s all I got. I’m not sure what even happened in this episode. It’s just three guys locked in a room talking about nothing for what I imagine to be an hour. So this week you get to listen and learn what the episode is about yourself. It’s a film that happened to be on Disney+ (probably), Big Business!

The Big Year

Cock-a-doodle-do! Now that’s bird for, buckle up buckaroo because you’re in for a wild one. Okay fine, it doesn’t actually translate into English that well, but don’t blame me for you having such a limited language. It’s a film guaranteed to make you express astonishment or admiration, The Big Year!

Cadet Kelly (April Fools' 2021)

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Ralph Breaks the Internet

Today’s episode of the Disney Dunces is just filled to the brim with questions. Luckily, the boys have their own little Knowsmore just waiting to answer them all. Man at the Computer, this one’s for you buddy. Don’t call it Wreck it Ralph 2, it’s Disney’s Ralph Breaks the Internet!

Brave

When Merida decides to go against tradition, she creates a rift not only between her country's leaders, but between her and her mother as well. She then makes matters worse by enlisting the help of a witch to change her fate, who turns her mother into a bear. Now she has to repair the tear in her mother-daughter relationship and reverse the curse before her ursine-loathing father does her mother in. And she does! That's the film, shut up. It’s hard to put this one into words, Disney and Pixar’s Brave!

Raya and the Last Dragon

They described the movie exactly how it played out, "blah blah blah, who cares, whatever". The truly unbelievable thing is the fact that not one of them mentions how Awkwafina is the perfect name for a mythical water dragon, especially compared to whatever stupid name they happen to give to furry Elsa that no one can seem to remember. It’s the $29.99 that you could have spent on anything else, Raya and the Last Dragon!

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit

Well boys and girls, BHM has come and gone, but the Dunces aren’t about to let you forget that black people have existed just yet. It’s not nearly as good as the title makes it out to be, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit!

Cool Runnings

So, you know how every holiday your parents needed to lie to you about a fat guy in a red coat or a giant candy-pooping rabbit just to get you interested in celebrating? Well, as it turns out, Jamaica’s first Olympic bobsled team is the BHM equivalent . It may as well be The Santa Clause, Cool Runnings!

Kazaam

For those BIGOTS out there who are asking themselves, “What the hell does this movie have to do with black history?!” How about you consult the song at 54:32 and try and tell me it's anything but! It’s Nelson Mandela’s personal favorite, Kazaam! 

Soul (2020)

Alright, so hear me out: yes, they started almost two weeks later than they should have, and yes, they more than likely just picked the first movie they saw that happened to have black people in it. But I think they made a genuine effort to celebrate black history in their own sort of way, so just keep that in mind for the next few episodes. It’s Disney and Pixar’s play on words, Soul!